Shani (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} andustar) wrote,@ 2007-07-09 22:41:00 |
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So you know when I said I could write a better column with my eyes closed?
Eventually I started wondering whether that was actually true.
In the end though I had to keep my eyes open.
Communicate. It's impossible to stress this one enough. Whole books have been written about how important this is and how to go about it - find them.
Read up on pregnancy and STI risks, testing, and avoidance so that you can be confident that the sex you're having is appropriately safe for you.
Lube is your friend. Buy upmarket stuff that you find pleasant to the touch and use it liberally. Even when you're not sure you need it.
Share your fantasies, and be open minded about your partner's.
At the same time, keep your own personal fantasy life alive. You're a sexual being independent of your relationship with your partner.
Don't worry about things having to be 'spontaneous'. It's okay to explicitly say that you want an evening of being pampered or of being dominant, and even set a date. Asking for it may not be how your fantasy goes, but that's real life for you.
Manual and oral sex are not necessarily 'just foreplay', they are sex, and there's no reason to stop enjoying them. They can be just as fun and satisfying as intercourse once you get past the idea that they should only ever be a prelude to more.
Toys are not just for solo use. Nor are they about to replace you in the bedroom. Buy good ones and use them well.
Absolutely everyone gets occasional sessions that just entirely fail for one reason or another. They're highly upsetting, but try not to worry about them all the same.
If ever there was a place to leave selfconsciousness behind and be silly and playful, it's in bed.
More for my own curiosity than anything else, but I thought I might as well put them here.
If I wasn't preaching to the choir I'd add more justification and explanation to most of them.
Eventually I started wondering whether that was actually true.
In the end though I had to keep my eyes open.
Communicate. It's impossible to stress this one enough. Whole books have been written about how important this is and how to go about it - find them.
Read up on pregnancy and STI risks, testing, and avoidance so that you can be confident that the sex you're having is appropriately safe for you.
Lube is your friend. Buy upmarket stuff that you find pleasant to the touch and use it liberally. Even when you're not sure you need it.
Share your fantasies, and be open minded about your partner's.
At the same time, keep your own personal fantasy life alive. You're a sexual being independent of your relationship with your partner.
Don't worry about things having to be 'spontaneous'. It's okay to explicitly say that you want an evening of being pampered or of being dominant, and even set a date. Asking for it may not be how your fantasy goes, but that's real life for you.
Manual and oral sex are not necessarily 'just foreplay', they are sex, and there's no reason to stop enjoying them. They can be just as fun and satisfying as intercourse once you get past the idea that they should only ever be a prelude to more.
Toys are not just for solo use. Nor are they about to replace you in the bedroom. Buy good ones and use them well.
Absolutely everyone gets occasional sessions that just entirely fail for one reason or another. They're highly upsetting, but try not to worry about them all the same.
If ever there was a place to leave selfconsciousness behind and be silly and playful, it's in bed.
More for my own curiosity than anything else, but I thought I might as well put them here.
If I wasn't preaching to the choir I'd add more justification and explanation to most of them.
